A Giant Has Fallen And My Singlehood Is Bearing The Weight.

A veritable pillar in the single community has crumbled this past week and it sent tremors through the far reaches of Singledom. Some said it wouldn't be done, some said it COULDN'T be done. But you know the world has turned on its head when DAVE EATON GETS MARRIED. The guy who made it OK to be age-ed, Mormon, and single has "abandon[ed] the phantoms and false enchantments of [his] former life." As he puts it. And with one extremely adroit step, he forced the rest of us holding strong to reexamine what the h*** we are doing with our lives.

For those of you who don't know him (are there any left?) Dave was as synonymous with "single" as Britney Spears is with "hillbilly" or Hillary Clinton with "completely unattractive female." At 33 he was the oldest single dude I've ever known. Many were the nights and long were the conversations when we used to deliberate and pontificate about how it might never happen for either of us, knowing full well how picky, complicated, arrogant, objective, shrewd, and convoluted we both are when it comes to relationships. And add to that the fact that we had been inured to the single life and satisfied with the freedom it afforded us. But... the world is an ever changing place and luckily not always for the worse. As big a shock as it is to see Dave Eaton wed, I couldn't be happier for him. And I've already seen how this commitment has begun to soften and shape him into a better man. It is the only way any of us can reach our maximum potential. A man cannot rise to his full height unfettered and philandering. Marriage is the next step in our individual evolution.

And so, as you might guess, this momentous occasion has caused me reflection and some cognitive dissonance. But in a very good way. And to be quite honest it happens a little with every friend I've seen get married, but this one is different. Dave Eaton was the poster-child for single men everywhere. It used to be you could count on 3 truths in this world: The sun rises in the east and sets in the west, an American team will win the World Series of Baseball, and Dave Eaton is single. Now that my tripod of truth has had a serious amputation... I don't know what's true anymore. I'm left to sort it out alone. But let me just say for the record, congratulations Dave. Me love you long time.

Now enjoy some pictures from the wedding held at the Red Cliffs Lodge in beautiful Moab, UT. taken by Yours Mothereffing Truly.














































For more pictures go to My Flickr Page.

Oops... I Did It Again. (And By "Did It" I Mean Bought This Voltron Action Figure And By "Again" I Mean NOT Again, Just This One TIme.

So I was window shopping (in cyberspace) and I got the hot idea to look for this coveted piece of 80's childhood memories. And YADDA, YADDA, YADDA, $90 later, I now own it.

"But Craig," they'll all shriek, "you're unemployed and $90 *plus shipping* is a lot of bread!" To which I'll reply, "Stop using 70's slang for currency, it ages you." And then my real defense, which is this... I am a victim. Like the obese lady suing McDonalds for making her fat, I am a victim!!!

Oh, you want me to explain what I YADDA, YADDA, YADDA'D through earlier? Ok. Well... I was minding my own business snooping around eBay, just checking out the sales, when I was accosted by Voltron! Attacked, as it were, by this die-cast "Defender of the Universe." Assailed, I tell you, on TWO psychological levels! And who am I, mere mortal that I be, to resist?! Hark! Allow me now, if I may, to elucidate the aforementioned levels.

Level 1: A Deprived Childhood. Not only was this toy the stuff dreams were made of for kids in the 80's, but it was literally what my dreams were made of! It's one of the few dreams I remember from my childhood. And I mean real, sleepy time, unconscious, visions of the night. I had REAL, actual dreams about Voltron. Little Craig... 4th of 7 children, all forgotten and middle child-y, sharing a room with his 2 brothers. Sharing clothes with his 2 brothers, sharing his toys with 2 brothers, and sharing his portion of his Father's income with 2 brothers. Which meant NO cool toys growing up. One time I got a Dino-bot Transformer and just my luck some jack-ass in my third grade class stole it from me. (Don't worry, I knocked him down and jumped on his back at recess one time. We're pretty even.) That fiasco aside, I didn't stand so much as a chance of owning the right leg of my dream toy Voltron. And now that you understand the emotional baggage, you'll understand what seized me when I found this item on eBay this morning. This runs deep. Voltron is a part of my poor kid psyche. I never stood a chance. And if that weren't bad enough...

Level 2: EBay Bidding Rage. They know what they're doing with that huge red "X" they throw in your face. "You've been outbid!" They taunt you. Call you chicken. And so you say back, "Oh yeah?! What about this?!" and you raise the price $10 or $20. And by the time you realize you should have set a limit on what the item is really worth to you, you are the new high bidder and the deed is done. It all happens so fast...

So you see I wasn't in complete control during this whole ordeal. So I have an excuse. But I'm not saying I'm sad about it because hey! I have a mint condition, still in it's original package, Voltron action figure! I think this thing is marvelous! And I can always sell it again on eBay or KSL.com if I decide I need the money back. But who am I kidding? This puppy is going on my shelf. And who else am I kidding? It's coming out of that original packaging to breath some fresh air and start defending the universe already. As is its DESTINY!

So... am I alone here? Is there anyone out here who has a childhood toy or dream that they would pay a little too much money to possess or see fulfilled? I invite you to share them with me. How about you David? You could get that My Little Pony collectors set you always talk about.

Never Use DHL. Ever.

"Statistics say that if someone has a positive experience with your business they'll tell 5 people. If they have a negative experience they'll tell 9." -Training video, BBC's The Office

This is my attempt to combat poor service with free speech. DHL is the Cricket of package delivery, the Dish Network of shipping. (If any of you've dealt with those other companies than you'll understand what I'm talking bout.) Meaning they don't know what's going on inside their own business and talking to someone on the phone is useless. Every time you call in it's a whole new story and new set of broken promises. :(
I was supposed to receive my new camera last Thursday and made sure someone was at my house in Provo to sign for it. But DHL couldn't find the address. We get mail everyday from the USPS and UPS. To give you a visual, on our entire block there are exactly TWO doors and the mailboxes are within inches of those doors. Anyone walking down the street can tell where the residents on that block get their mail. But the driver for DHL, who no doubt just recently left Wal-mart as a checker, could not. After making a call in and complaining they asked me to "verify" my address. I did so by saying, "No, it's correct. They just didn't try hard enough." I told them i needed to know an approximate time it would be delivered the next day. They said they'd call me within the hour. THE NEXT MORNING, after no phone call, I called in and asked to be given a time frame when the package would be there so I could coordinate someone to be there. But oops, they had already stopped by and tried to deliver it again!
At this point i was able to speak with a person in Utah who actually possessed the package. After a lengthy explanation, she decided to forward the package to me here in Las Vegas the next day (this was Friday, so that meant it would have gotten here Saturday) at no charge. I was stoked. DHL was like the prodigal son returning home and I was ready to prepare a feast. When it didn't arrive Saturday I put the fattened calf back in its stall and made another phone call. I was told it would be here BEFORE noon on Monday. (I think they just make this stuff up.) So a couple minutes ago I called to ask where it was. "It wasn't taken by any drivers today, so it will b delivered tomorrow."
So now, I'm about to go drive down to the DHL facility here in Vegas and pick the package up myself. For anybody who's still reading... just use UPS. THAT is the moral of this story. Just use UPS. I want to believe in the new business giving the established giant a run for its money (By the way, I was all for Jetblue until they raised their rates... now I want them to die.) but in this case, when you need something delivered on time, if it ain't broke don't fix it.

Tell your friends.