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"Good Times" And Other Trite Phrases I Want To Murder

I have issues. But we won't get into those... that's what I pay my therapist for. (Waaaay-OH! I've been watching a lot of Curb Your Enthusiasm and Jewish comedy culture has been rubbing off on me.) I have a particularly strong issue called, "I can't stand when a catch phrase hits a critical mass in our culture and EVERYONE is saying it like they made it up." I guess it really boils down to the fact that whenever people don't say things in their own words it bugs me. This is why the words "trite" "cliched" "hackneyed" and "banal" were invented. Because very early on in the development of language somebody got annoyed by people using the same phrases over and over again and said, "That's it! I'm gonna make up another word about unoriginal people! A word they'll never use because they suck SO bad." So I'm not onto anything new, I just want to point out HOW MUCH I hate it.

To be fair, however, I think we're all annoyed by this and guilty of it at the same time. I, for example, am annoyed by the following phrases:

"Good times, good times." - Every year or maybe more a new phrase hits the mainstream and people use it like it's going out of style, but sadly it isn't and it won't thanks to people who refuse to express themselves in a personalized way. This phrase is a fun little summary people like to use lately at work or in other awkward social situations, to wrap up a mediocre conversation that they think was sort of funny. It makes me want to put my head through my computer monitor.

"That's just sick & wrong." - This is one of a thousand phrases people insert mindlessly into conversations because it sounds quirky and cute and they don't want to expend the energy to say it some other interesting way. I use to work with a lady who said it all the time and it made me want to pry my eyes out with my stapler.

"In/out of the box." - There is another way to say this. There are words that sum up this entire thought in 2 or 3 syllables. Try "innovative" "creative" "unique" or "original" at your next meeting and see how they go over. You are sure to be seen as an "out of the box" thinker when you use words to describe your thoughts other than "out of the box."

Other hackneyed expressions worth mentioning:
"Oh, don't go there!"
"Another day in Paradise."
Anything said during the Redneck Comedy Tour.

A lot of mine are work related because I refuse to make friends with people who are cavalier with and abuse language. Or maybe they just use the ones I like. Because even though these kinds of phrases are like murder to my ears, there are others that don't bother me. I'm not aware of them, but I'm sure someone else is. I'm sure I say things all the time that make people want to crawl under their desk and die. We all definitely play favorites when it comes to trite phrases. But this is my blaawwwhhg (that's a word for example that I hate the sound of and it makes me feel mediocre to say it) and I get to post the ones that bug me.

I claim no originality in this post, but it's a subject that gets thrust to the forefront of my mind on a daily basis. I'll open this up to discussion a la' David Pulsipher. I know you guys have them. What are the words and phrases that make you want to lay a curse upon people's children? I'll take my answer off-air. Thank you.

It's Getting Hot In Hurrrrrr... So Give A Little Respect

"I need you to get up,up on the dance floor! Give that man what he askin' for!"


I'm extremely picky when it comes to female artists. Everyone knows this. But while Googling one of my all-time favorite female voices I found this one... Jenny Owen Youngs. Is this old news? I feel like I'm way behind on this one, but I thought this video was pretty rad. I was looking for info on Harriet Wheeler of The Sundays, my favorite 90's band, and found this broad. I don't know how I feel about her stuff as a whole and I'm not IN LOVE necessarily with her voice, but this is a cool song. Also, I'm a sucker for folk/pop covers of hip hop songs.


Speaking of folk/indie covers and great female voices... there is a local Utah girl who I think is just as talented as Ms. Jenny Owen Youngs and her name is Libbie Linton. Her cover of "Little Respect" by Erasure literally brings me to tears. I did the sound at a couple shows she played with my friend Dave Eaton, and during this song I'd always put my monitoring headphones on and close my eyes.... and weep. (I was actually at this show when this video was recorded, sitting at the sound board... pretending something was in my eyes.) If you want to hear more, you can find her at Libbie Linton Myspace

Memory Loss / My Brain's Capacity

What is the fastest land dwelling mammal?

I forgot. And why have I forgotten? Because immediately practical, ultimately useless information has displaced it. Information like how to customize my myspace page has bumped out something much more interesting. Classically trivial information, like the aforementioned mammal query, is being pounced upon, torn to shreds, and dragged into the woods by its limp neck to make room for boring I.T. knowledge like posting videos to a blog, myspace comments with HTML, and saving files on a network drive. And I think that's sad...

So I looked it up and found out that the Cheetah is still the fastest mammal. (Way to hold your title, Cheetah!) With an acceleration of 0 - 45mph in just 2 seconds, tops speeds in excess of 75mph, the Cheetah still blows the doors off its closest competitor the North American Pronghorn. Which, although slower than the Cheetah, can sustain its speed for much longer, like 4 min. The Cheetah can only last about 300 yds at top speed. :(

Now... having just refreshed my memory of this expendable bit of information, I have just forgotten the PIN for my debit card, how to tie a double Windsor, and who I took to Junior Prom. I have a theory. So listen up. I believe we all have a finite capacity for information. Forget all that "10% of our brains" bullcrap. Cause it's bullcrap! (Scroll down to Common Misconceptions on this link) Who can prove that anyway? it's a myth. The truth is that by the time you are 30 (which I am and have been for some time now. See here.) you have reached your limit. I am 30 and have now reached my capacity for information. Period. From this point on it's all shuffle and displacement. One thing in... another thing out.

To restate it again: I say that once you hit 30, every new thing you learn is replacing something else. You're losing something when you pick up that new bestseller or watch Oprah. Ask ourself... is it worth it? You may be forgetting your 10th birthday party if it isn't already gone. And you don't get to choose what you forget. Education has its costs, my friends. That's why I say you need to pick what you learn carefully. I would highly recommend wasting your free time. Given the choice, watch MTV instead of the Discovery Channel. Play Halo 2 instead of reading the newspaper. It's safer that way. Once a memory is gone... it's gone. Someone can tell you about it, attempting to "refresh your memory," but it won't be the same. You don't believe me? THINK ABOUT IT! I say the burden of proof lays on your shoulders. Good luck proving me wrong... my argument is ironclad.

Popular Comedy Formulas

First of all I'd like to say that Dane Cook isn't funny. He just says stuff. Not funny stuff, just stuff. And to film his HBO specials, I think they played his tape for EVERYONE in the world and found 10,000 people out of the 6.6 billion that could make themselves laugh at his talking and gave them free tickets. I think these are the same people that saw Delta Farce with Larry The Cable Guy and didn't want to hang themselves afterwards. Granted, Dane is very animated when he talks about stuff, but still... it's not very funny. Sorry Dane Cook. But I did like you in Mr Brooks and Dan In Real Life. (Maybe stick to small acting roles? Hint: Avoid scripts like Good Luck Chuck. *wink* That bit of advice was free, next time it will cost you.)

Anyway... as per usual, I have started on a tangent. I don't really want to talk about Dane Cook. The only way he relates to my topic is that he could benefit from reading it to incorporate some humor, however formulaic into his routine. See I've noticed that most of us respond to and use some basic formulas in our humor. A lot of what makes something funny is the recognition of a formula and the anticipation of the punchline. Truly great comedians either create new formulas for us to learn and therefore anticipate, or they disguise the old ones with so much flair, quirkiness, and charisma that we don't realize it's the same old thing.

I don't pretend to know all the formulas. But the other day I had a chat online with David Pulsipher and he pointed out a comedic formula to me that got me thinking about the topic. So I started thinking about others... here are some of the few I came up with for your reading pleasure. I tried to translate these comedic "formulas" into mathematic formulas. Some of them worked and some of them... well, Dane Cook might as well have written them. These aren't necessarily the ones the big hitters use. You can find these ones being used in your own backyard. Here we go!

Childish Comparison
xy >= ab

"Ruby Tuesday? More like BoobyPoo's Gay! "

Clever Substitution
f(a+b), where (a) = (x), (b) = (y)

"I need to get up early and go to work, and by 'get up early' I mean 'sleep until noon', and by 'go to work' I mean 'watch 4 hours of soap operas & infomercials and eat a party sized bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.' "


Shocking Statement
(x) + "There! I said it!" or "yeah, I said it."

"I have a crush on Lindsey Lohan. There! I said it!"

"I think Mother Teresa was kind of an egomaniac... yeah, I said it."

related:

Defensive Revelation
So maybe I + (x) + so what?

"So I maybe spent my life savings on a blender I saw on TV, so what?"

Someone Called
(x) called they want (y) back.

"Hey man, Burt Reynolds called, he wants his mustache back.

The Old & The New
(b) = NEW(a)

"Jamie Lynn Spears is the new Brittney Spears"
or
"Skin tight tapered jeans that make girl's butt's look ENORMOUS are the new spandex."
or
"Those baggy, dance-pants, skirty/capris, drapes girls wear that are "really comfortable" are the new sweatpants... and they look just as terrible"

Anyway... it's a work in progress. If you cruise around the blogosphere, you might see a million or two blogs using one or more of the above formulas in their posts. And you can definitely find them in conversation around your more hipper circles of friends.

Does anyone have any additions to this list that they've noticed becoming increasingly popular? Please feel free to comment. Please?